Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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