Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize