you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
