wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
