batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
