Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
