like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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