i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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