why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
