U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
