Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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