That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Less talking, more tequila
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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