I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
