i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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