Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dick very happy bro
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
