Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
