I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
