She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
