I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
And then he peed in my hair
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