Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
