After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
