do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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