I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
