I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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