So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
