lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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