you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
