I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
