I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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