I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
