I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
