AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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