Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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