Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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