Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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