i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
