i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
