Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
