be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
