dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
