Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
