I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
