i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
