You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
