How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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