The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
