My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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