he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
