he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
