now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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