My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
