I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
