i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
