and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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