You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
