she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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