At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
