I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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