I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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