I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
