If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
