We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
