Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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