I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize