It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
