If i come over, it means nothing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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