I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You have to summon your inner elephant
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
