meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
