made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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