So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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