Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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