Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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