I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
