no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
