I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
