I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
